Careful What You Wish For
by music-rox12
Summary: Spoilers! With christmas almost here, Allen wishes for something he never thought would come true. Now, he has to decide what matters to him the most. Only then can he walk forward on his own path. slight LAVEN if you read between the lines


**This idea has been stuck in my head for weeks, ever since December came! I wanting to post this for Christmas to celebrate Allen's birthday but it's still Christmas somewhere in the world so I sort of made it in time :) (thank you time zone)**

**Anyway, just a few notes you have to know before you read. This takes place 4 months after the Alma Karma incident. Lavi and Kanda are gone, and Allen wasn't locked up (stupid higher ups for doing that to him!). And timcampy has returned to his normal size so he's bigger than your hand but smaller than house :)**

**I do not own D gray man. All rights belong to Katsura Hoshino and her awesome ways that make us readers keep guessing what's going to happen. **

**In celebration of Allen's birthday**

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* * *

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It was a normal day at the Black Order and a certain white haired teen was walking down the hall that led to the cafeteria. His shoulders were slumped down a bit and his face didn't have the usual polite smile he always wore.

No, it was not a normal day at all for him.

Allen walked towards a door that led to the cafeteria and opened it cautiously. The young teen wasn't surprised but was disappointed when he saw a giant Christmas tree in the middle of the large room. The tables were rearranged so that the tree had enough room which it did, and there were lots of decorations on the trees from simple ornaments to crystal angels. Allen walked as far away from the tree as he could without raising suspicions and went towards Jerry for his food.

"Happy Christmas Eve sweetheart! What can I get for you today on this special day?"Jerry wore a red Santa hat and an apron saying "Christmas gift of love" which Allen didn't like at all. It all reminded him of THAT time of the year.

Nevertheless, Allen put on a bright smile that seemed like he meant it," Five skewers of mitarashi dango please. "There was a long silence where Jerry continued to stare at Allen in a way that meant 'that's it?"'

"That's all I want for today Jerry-san" The chef didn't oppose anymore and simply left for a while to get Allen's order. He handed Allen a single plate full of mitarashi dango and with a smile the boy sat down on a table far away from the tree that seemed to mock him with its 'cheer'. He took a skewer from the plate and began to think of the conversation Link had had with him.

**FLASHBACK**

_"Walker, this will be your last Christmas at the Order. The Vatican has deemed you too dangerous to keep on having."_

_"They're kicking me out?"_

_"No. You have been sentenced to death on the last day of the year." Allen couldn't breathe. He didn't know how to react. He was blank._

_"Does anyone know about this?" _

_Link shook his head. "Only the higher ups. Not even Supervisor Komui is aware of the situation" Allen let out a sigh of relief,"Good. Please keep it that way." _

**END FLASHBACK**

Death. After fighting so much for the order...after risking his life...after saving countless lives...after proving his loyalty over and over again...

It wasn't fair yet at the same time it was. The only one left in the Black Order he could really talk to was Lenalee. Lavi had already been missing for four months and Kanda was far away too. Allen had no one to talk to since Lenalee was forbidden to come near and was always on constant missions.

He was destined to die by himself.

Allen finished the last skewer of his dango and silently walked to his room. "This is what I deserve," he told himself again and again, "it has to be done so I won't hurt my friends."

Based on all his experiences, Allen had learned and has been told the greatest threat to mankind was he himself. He even remembered the time Chaoji told him how the 'the destroyer of time' name he was given meant that he would destroy all the peaceful times the world had ever had. Allen hasn't talked to the exorcist ever since.

He soon reached the hallway that lead to his room and was about to enter it when he heard some noises coming from the nearby hallway. Being the curious 15 year old that he is, he went to investigate the rustling noises. Allen walked slowly down the corridor and peeked through the wall to see two finders- a young man and a girl-facing each other. The white haired teen was about to leave when the male finder's voice stopped him.

"Tara for a long time I've been with you and I have loved every minute of it. You are my life. I want to ask you…"He took a deep breath and continued, "Will you retire from the Black Order to marry me?" Allen sucked in a quick breathe and impatiently waited for any type of response. He was incredibly shocked at the male finder's confession and he even stopped breathing for a while. All of his concentration was on the two finders in front of him.

Allen saw the female finder widen her eyes and become teary eyed as she lovingly smiled at the mean before muttering a 'yes' and kissing her new fiancée.

Allen couldn't take it anymore. He ran away from the scene not caring whether the couple heard him or not and entered his room. As soon as he closed his door, he jumped onto his bed and lay face down with a pillow over his head like a little kid would do when they thought they heard a noise from their closet.

"It's not fair…" he muttered to himself. It wasn't that he was unhappy about the finder's engagement; in fact he was happy for the two. It was just that Allen had witness a form of 'happiness' he knew he would never experience. Allen hadn't found 'the one' yet and that wasn't the reason he felt so envious at the moment. Those two finders would get married and they would leave the Order as free people who can do anything they want in the world while Allen was stuck in the Order as a 'prisoner'. The white haired teen shut his eyes tightly and remembered how those two finders looked into each other's eyes. Those stares reminded him of how lonely he was in his 'home'.

There was no Kanda to fight with.

'_He's somewhere with Alma…'_

There was no Lavi to talk to and get in trouble with.

'_He's been missing for four months now'_

And Lenalee, along with the other exorcists, were forbidden to even get near him. This also included all the other members of his family. Ever since the Alma Karma incident everyone was put under strict orders to interact with him as little as possible. This made Allen so miserable that it competed to how he felt when Mana died, but he didn't show it. He was never the type to worry others and he wasn't going to start now. The only hint that may have led others to see something was wrong was his eating habits. It's true he was eating less than he usually ate but if someone ever noticed something was wrong they did nothing about it.

Allen felt tired. He was tired of being treated like a criminal, even though he hosted the 14th Noah. The Black Order was supposed to be a place for him to call home and yet it felt more like a prison than a house.

He wished he wouldn't have to suffer like this so he wouldn't have to fight. It's true that Allen himself chose to fight again but he never expected what would happen. He's seen friends die and worst of all he's seen the akuma's soul cry in misery and fear. Everything he has seen had started to take a toll on the young exorcist.

"I wish that I never had anything to do with this war…." Allen murmured as a cold tear fell down his cheek.

* * *

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep but when he woke up he was in an unknown place. He was in a large room that seemed to be a bedroom of some kind. The room (that was about 10 times the size of Allen's room at the Order) had three giant paintings on the walls of people he didn't recognize, two closets on each side of the room, a desk neatly organized with notebooks and pens, three drawers, and a white baby grand piano that was hiding in the farthest corner from the door. Allen realized he was on something soft and looked down to see he was on a large bed that was fitted with blue sheets and white pillows that sprawled throughout the bed. To say Allen was confused as to why he was in this high class room was a large understatement.

"Where am I? More importantly, why am I here?" Allen said out loud, not expecting someone to answer.

"This is your room in your new life where you were never born with Innocence and the 14th never implanted his memories and legacy onto you." Allen jumped at the unexpected reply and raised his head a bit to see a figure standing at the foot of the bed. Allen gasped at the familiar face.

"Lavi…." It looked like Lavi yet it wasn't Lavi in a way. For a start, this Lavi has two emerald eyes staring at him. Also, there was something about him that just didn't completely feel like Lavi.

The redhead smiled sadly a bit before his melancholy smile turned into the type of smile Lavi wore when they first met. "I'm not Lavi. I'm simply just taking on his from since you seem to be the most comfortable around him. You can call me 'Rabi' though so you don't confuse me with your friend."

Allen stared at him for a moment _'Is this guy an akuma?_' he wondered.

The guy known as Rabi looked at Allen and chuckled at the confused boy," No, not an akuma. I'm the opposite of that actually." Rabi said with a smirk on his face. Allen's face showed his complete shock that Rabi was able to know what he was thinking.

"Maybe if your thoughts weren't so loud then maybe I wouldn't be hearing them." Rabi winked at the boy and laughed when Allen made of face to show how creeped out he was by the redhead. Rabi thought it was a perfect time to explain some things to Allen now since this was probably the most relaxed he would ever get the young exorcist in.

"Listen Allen since I'm only explaining this one time." Rabi decided to take the stunning silence as a sign to continue talking," Right now you are in a world in where you were born normal, which means you weren't born with an arm that had Innocence. Since you have no Innocence in this world that means you were never an orphan so the 14th didn't implant his memories onto you. What I'm basically trying to say is….that you are not part of the Holy War against the Millennium Earl anymore."

Allen took a sharp intake of air and stared at Rabi like he was crazy," I've gone insane haven't I? The Order has already killed me haven't they?" Allen muttered weakly under his breath. He was never the one to believe some stranger who happened to look like your best friend just because they looked like said friend. He couldn't and wouldn't believe what Rabi was telling him.

The redhead on the other hand let out an irritated sigh," You're so stubborn," he said in what almost seemed like a wine. Then Rabi snapped his fingers and a tall mirror appeared to the side of Allen," Take a look for yourself if you think I'm lying."

The 15 year old hesitated a bit but he robotically turned his head away from Rabi and to the side to where the mirror was. The boy who was reflected in the mirror was someone Allen never thought he would see with his own eyes. The mirror's reflection showed a teenager of about 15 years old with silver-blue eyes and light chocolate brown hair. The teenager wore blue pajama pants and a pajama shirt that had short sleeves so Allen was able to see the two normal looking arms that was attached to the boy's body. There were no traces of his red scar and pentacle either.

Allen lifted his now normal left arm and touched his side of the face where Mana's scar was supposed to be. He saw his reflection copy his movements and also say when his eyes widened in shock and his face paled a bit.

"This can't be happening…I look…look…"

"Like any other guy? Normal?" The redhead guessed casually as he moved to sit down on the bed next to Allen's legs.

"W-why?" Allen whispered since he felt his voice somehow leave him in that moment. He looked at Rabi with a gaze that told Rabi he needed answers and he needed them now.

Rabi grinned at him," Because you wished for it."

'_I wish that I never had anything to do with this war…'_Allen's eyes widened in shock for the millionth time at the memory. "This…" that was the only world Allen was able to speak at the moment so Rabi decided to explain things further.

"Normally wishes like yours don't come true but you are a special case Allen. There's a reason as to why you are experiencing this…."Lavi trailed off his sentence, hoping Allen would say something and snap out of his confusion.

Allen took a deep breath and calmed himself although not completely," What is the reason?"

"That is-"

A knock on the door resounded through the room followed by a deep voice," Master Allen breakfast is ready." The sound of footsteps leaving his door was heard and the long silence was broken by none other than Rabi. "You better get downstairs." Lavi grinned at the next part," You don't want to keep your parents waiting, right?"

"P-parents?" Allen half screamed before he was suddenly aware that all of his surroundings, except for Rabi and himself, were getting blurry. The blurred surroundings were clear and sharp after a few seconds and Allen found himself standing in front of a large dining room table that was filled with different kinds of breakfast treats. Allen would have drooled over the food if it wasn't for the situation he was in. He noticed his clothes were a stiffer so he looked down and found out he wore a black suit with a white shirt underneath and a blue tie and a pair of black shoes. Allen turned around and saw Rabi was wearing a similar suit to his except Lavi wore a dark green tie instead of a blue one.

"Where are we?" Allen asked the redhead in the expensive suit. Rabi stared at him in a way that was asking Allen if he was seriously asking that question.

"We're in your house obviously," Rabi rolled his eyes which annoyed Allen," To be more specific, we are in the dining room you and your parents eat meals in." At the mention of the word 'parents' a woman and a man came into the room chatting about something.

The lady, who Allen assumed was his mother, had long light chocolate brown hair just like him and ocean blue eyes. Allen's father had black hair and a pure silver eye color. The woman looked at him and smiled excitedly.

"Allen! What are you doing standing there like a stranger? Come and sit down to eat." She brightly smiled and took a seat while her husband followed in tack. As he passed Allen, he tilted his head to the side a bit to let Allen know he should do what he was asked to do. He soon sad down across from his wife and both of them started putting food on their plates without bothering to wait for Allen. The teenager stared at the two with a blank face until he snapped out of it when he felt Rabi push him towards an empty seat.

"R-Rabi, what are you-"he was cut off a shushing sound that Rabi had made.

"Your parents can't see me so you shouldn't be talking to me out loud. We don't want them to think they're son has gone crazy right?" Allen nodded at Rabi's advice and he took a seat away from parents but not too far away and tried to enjoy having his first breakfast with his family. Rabi took a seat next to him and sneakily stole some food off Allen's plate when he and his parents weren't looking.

During the dinner, Allen had learned a lot of facts about his parents and life from Rabi. It turned out that his parents were co-owners in a semi-large business that had to deal with foreign trades. Allen lived in the life of luxury and was the heir to the business. His house was a small mansion ('how can a mansion be small?' Allen wondered) that was built in the countryside and the town was only a half hour away by walking.

Allen smiled at his two parents battling it out to see who would get the last piece of French toast. _'This seems like such a good life.'_ The young exorcist felt he would have been very happy in this world where he knew nothing of the war that was happening and was not associated with it what so ever.

"Yeah, your parents seem really nice Allen. If it wasn't for the town killing your parents, I'm sure you would have loved them dearly." Rabi said as he stuffed a biscuit into his mouth and sighed in contempt at the taste.

"W-what?"

"Hm? Did you say something Allen?" he heard his mother ask him. He felt his cheeks go warm and mustered a smile.

"Ah, no I didn't mother." He felt his face grow warmer. Allen knew he would never get used to the fact he had a mother now. His mother shrugged at the boy's response and went back to fighting with her husband for the last piece of French toast. When he was sure they weren't paying attention to him, Allen glared at Rabi.

'_What did you just say?'_

"In reality, when you were born with your red arm the townsfolk tried to convince your parents to abandon you or kill you. They refused so the people killed them saying they were the servants of the devil and dumped you in a circus. I think you know what happens from there." Allen remembered his life in the circle and shuddered at the very few bad memories he had of the place. Most of his bad experiences had to do with a clown named Cosimo though.

Allen slightly nodded so Rabi would know he had listened to every word he said and continued to eat his breakfast. He felt really sad for his parents in the other world. If he was born normal like in the place he was in right now, they would have lived happy lives and could continue to bicker about small things like food. He was in deep thought and didn't hear when his father was calling him. Rabi had to punch his shoulder for Allen to finally notice. He smiled at his father and stomped Rabi's foot from under the table. His smile turned real when he heard Rabi curse in pain.

"Allen, have you decided what would you like for your birthday tomorrow?" Before Allen could respond his mother beat him to it.

"Ah! That's right! Allen's birthday is on Christmas isn't it?" Allen's mother smiled at her husband who just returned her stare with a blank look.

"You forgot your own son's birthday?" That accusation led to the two fighting again. Allen didn't listen to the whole conversation but he heard the words 'irresponsible mothers' and 'stuck up fathers' many times during the argument. Since Allen was done with his food, he continued to stare at his parents with a smile on his face. They reminded him of kids more than adults. He felt he could really love them if he got to know them better. This led Allen to thinking that since he was already in this world, he could experience a good life without the burdens of a soldier. He was happy he could stay in this world with a nice family.

"But can you live with the price it costs?" he heard Rabi muttered and before he could question the redhead on what he meant Rabi cleared his throat and spoke with Allen's voice instead of Lavi's.

"May I be excused?" Allen's eyebrows rose from pure shock. That sounded exactly like him! Allen wanted answers but before he could get any he heard a faint 'yes' coming from his parents. Rabi immediately got up and grabbed Allen's wrist to drag him up to his bedroom upstairs. Rabi ran as fast as he could to the room leaving a poor Allen to try to catch up so his arm wouldn't get dislocated. They passed by the giant living room on the way and Allen saw a tall, powerful looking Christmas tree decorated with colorful decorations and presents at the bottom.

This time, Allen didn't think the tree was mocking him.

* * *

"Why did you do that?" Allen asked Rabi in a slightly angry tone. He was enjoying his first meeting with his parents and was upset with the redhead for cutting it short. Rabi closed the bedroom door and ran a hand through his red locks.

"We don't have time for you to get all cozy with your parents. " Rabi sighed and looked at Allen seriously," I need to show you more things before time runs out."

"What are you talking about?" an impatient Allen told him. The Lavi look-alike wasn't making any sense to him and that annoyed him.

"I'm sorry for not explaining everything but I promise I'll get to that later." Rabi paused a bit and started talking again," and don't call me 'look-alike' in your thoughts. It's kind of annoying." He grabbed Allen's wrist again and the surroundings around them started to blur again. "I prefer being called Rabi than a 'look alike'." Everything turned clear again but the place was different. Allen instantly recognized where he was.

"The Black Order?"

"Yep. There are a few things that you need to see in here." Rabi said but he didn't look at Allen. The expression that he was giving almost seemed like a guilty face to him. The tall redhead was wearing Lavi's red and black exorcist uniform. He even had Lavi's black headband and red scarf Lavi always had on to personalize his uniform. Allen curiously looked down at himself and saw he wore his exorcist uniform as well except his white leather gloves were missing from the outfit.

"Why do we always change clothes?" Allen wondered out loud and jumped when he heard Rabi's slight laugh. Rabi looked at Allen with a sheepish grin.

"I thought it would be fun…"

Allen felt an irked smile spread across his face. _'This guy may not be Lavi but he can sure act like him'_

"It's like I told you before. Since you feel so comfortable around Lavi, I took on his form. That also means I took on his personality a bit. You would feel awkward and freaked out if I looked like Lavi but acted the complete opposite right?" Rabi grinned at Allen who in return nodded at his logic. Rabi's care free grin soon turned into a serious frown," Back to business. Jeez…your such a distraction Allen." Said boy was about to give a retort when he heard footsteps coming in their direction. The footsteps were soon on the hallway they were in they belonged to none other than Komui Lee.

"Komui-san?" Allen asked to no one. He was sure it was the crazy supervisor but his face and aura showed otherwise. Komui always had on a face that showed seriousness and playfulness at different times and he was always looking out for his workers and exorcists. The Komui that was near Allen, however, showed none of that. Instead, there was only anger mixed with stress and irritation in his once happy eyes. Allen knew he couldn't see Rabi and himself, but it still hurt him when Komui passed them without even a care in the world. This new personality reminded him of Leverrier.

"Do you remember your first mission with Lenalee?" Rabi looked at him sadly. Allen nodded. That was the mission when they had met Miranda and Rhode. "Since you never joined the Order, Komui entrusted the rewinding city mission to only her since all other exorcists and generals were busy with other missions. She entered the city and met Miranda and was helping her control her Innocence when three Level 1 akumas attacked her at the same time. There was one akuma that paralyzed her nerves and she was taken to Rhode to be her new doll. She has been missing ever since and Komui snapped when he heard the news."

There was a chilling and melancholic air between the two. Allen lowered his head to hide the incoming tears that were threatening to fall. Allen made a tight fist and took in a shaky breath, "What happened to Miranda-san?" The question was barely above a whisper but Rabi heard it. The silence continued on until the young teen heard Rabi take in a deep breath to speak.

"The Innocence and the accommodator were destroyed by Rhode Camelot." Allen said nothing. He just stared at the hallway Komui disappeared to. His mind was slowly breaking apart.

"Who else?"

"Eh?"

Allen tightened his fist so hard that blood was about to come out," Who else is suffering?" He didn't hear a response but Rabi. All he heard was Rabi snapping his fingers and Allen was once again in a different place.

He recognized the place as a prison cell that was under the Order. Allen always thought it looked more like a dungeon than a prison though. The dark colored walls were dripping water from the outside and made a tiny splashing sound when they hit the cold floor. Allen almost missed the figure that was sitting down next to the dark corner of the room.

Allen walked forward a bit and looked absolutely shell-shocked, "Kanda?" The long haired teen had his head slumped against the wall and his eyes had a dazed look in them. His uniform was torn to shreds, especially the long piece of cloth in his uniform that always covered his pants. His hair was out of its usual ponytail, too.

Rabi walked to where Allen was and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You already know of the Second Exorcist Project right?" Allen visibly flinched at the reminder of the project. All the memories that were shown to him were still so vivid even though it had been months since the 'Alma Karma' incident. The exorcist unconsciously raised his hand to touch the place where Kanda had stabbed him with Mugen in a fate of rage. Allen nodded and heard Rabi sigh in what he guessed was relief.

"Good. I don't have to explain that to you then. When the Millennium Earl revived Alma Karma, you weren't there to snap Kanda out of his anger and he killed Alma in the end. Kanda was then accused of treason for ruining the Third Exorcist Project. He actually has the same sentence as you do…" Rabi trailed off, not really happy about explaining things to Allen he knew would affect him badly. He took a look at the boy and saw he wore an emotionless mask to hide the pain he was in. Allen walked towards Kanda and kneeled beside him. When he looked at Kanda up close, he saw he was clutching something in each of his hands.

Mugen was split in two and was held strongly in his grip.

"Kanda's Innocence was destroyed during the battle with Alma. After he killed Alma, one of the Noah's destroyed his Innocence. He would have been killed too if not for the Third exorcists being of an interest to the Earl." Rabi rubbed his temples to ease the incoming headache he was sure would occur soon. He really didn't want to give Allen any more excuses to fall apart, but he had to do this.

Rabi saw Allen lift up one of hands and try to touch Kanda's shoulder as a gesture of comfort. His hand, though, fazed through the older exorcist as if he were a hologram. "They can't touch us or see us remember? That also means you can't touch them."

Allen was about to yell at Rabi and give him a piece of his mind when the dungeon and Kanda started to blur. Allen now found himself in the Black Order's library. It looked the same as it always did except the place was actually neat and organized for once. There were also two people he knew were missing. "Where are Lavi and Bookman?"

Rabi glanced at the empty tables and hugged himself lightly which confused and surprised Allen," Bookman left the Order due to certain circumstances."

Allen looked at him with a stressed voice asked the question he had a feeling he didn't want to know about. "…and Lavi?"

Rabi felt like a puppy that was being kicked harshly by Allen. He was starting to think taking on Lavi's from was a bad idea.

"Lavi…what happened to him?" Allen repeated again with a tinge of desperation, anger, and sadness. Rabi cringed.

"Lavi…is dead." He tried to say in a strong voice but his voice cracked at the end," or at least what was left of him anyway." He knew Allen wouldn't be a speaking to him for a while for what he was about to say but he had to do it. It was his mission after all. The redhead hugged himself a little bit tighter and continued to speak in a low voice. "Lavi, along with Kanda, Krory, and Chaoji entered the arc since Rhode and Tyki wanted to have some fun with them. Unlike when you entered with them, Kanda and Lavi destroyed Skin Boric together and didn't separate. The group had to leave Krory though since time was running out and he practically pushed them through the door once Lavi found the key. When they reached the final door, the fight started almost instantly. Tyki and Kanda were fighting, Lavi and Rhode were playing a 'game', and Chaoji along with an unconscious Krory who was taken there by the twin Noahs were trapped.

Kanda won the fight with Tyki and killed him, but his leg was seriously injured. Rhode got mad at him just like she did with you when you stabbed Tyki. She trapped him in a cell and told him to watch as she broke Lavi's mind. "Rabi paused a bit and gulped. This was the part that he wished he could skip.

"Lavi never got to know you Allen. He never got to know what it was like to have a heart and comrades. He had no 'light' to show him that so Lavi quickly succumbed to his Bookman self."

Allen had the feeling he knew where this was going," and he fought Kanda right?"

Rabi struggled to talk for a while but he eventually answered Allen," Lavi…he didn't fight Kanda like he did with you when you went to the arc. Instead, he was forced to fight someone he thought he would never see again. He had to fight Lenalee. She was in Rhode's complete control and fought Lavi at full power. Since Lavi lost what made him 'Lavi' he didn't hold back either but he was still weak against her new crystal type. I don't know how she got it though. They fought really gruesome too. Lavi even burned her entire body before she escaped." He saw Allen tremble slightly but he still continued. "Lenalee was able to send a critical hit to Lavi and he soon collapsed after that. The rest of the fight was just Lenalee fighting an unconscious body until Lavi used the last of his strength to burn Lenalee with the twin fire dragons. Lenalee was completely burned but she lived. Lavi on the other hand died from blood loss. He died before he could regain control of his body. Later on Cross rescued Kanda, Krory, and Chaoji while Rhode left with Lenalee and Tyki's body." Allen was left shocked at Rabi's tale of what had happened.

Lenalee had killed Lavi.

That was the final straw for him.

The young exorcist burst out crying and started to collapse onto the ground since his legs were now too weak to hold him. Luckily, Rabi was able to grab Allen and hold him close so he didn't fall onto the ground of the library. The last piece of information was too much for Allen to handle.

"Why are you showing me all this?" Allen didn't understand what good could come out of him knowing the fates of his friends in this world. He felt Rabi hold him in a tight embrace but he didn't say a word to indicate he had heard Allen's question.

"Mana," Rabi started off and immediately felt Allen tense up at the mention of the name," he is alive…right now in this world that is." Allen didn't know what to feel anymore. Mana might be alive in this place but was he suffering like Kanda was in the Order? He didn't know if he could take anymore of his friends suffering. He already felt numb and empty inside. Allen didn't even notice when everything got blurry. A cold wind passed him and that was when he realized he wasn't in the library anymore. He turned around in Rabi's embrace and saw he was in front of a circus tent. There were tons of people waiting in front of the tent to eagerly see the performance. Allen felt Rabi let him go and he saw that they once again changed clothes. Rabi wore a green shirt that Lavi was always seen wearing in the Order and a pair of white pants with black boots. His hair was held up by a black headband Lavi always wore. Allen looked down and saw he was wearing his usual clothes that consisted of a white collared button down shirt with a gray vest on top and black pants with boots. He touched his collar and felt the red ribbon neatly tied into a bow.

Oddly, this time Rabi didn't speak to Allen and started walking towards the tent with a teary eyed Allen following him. Once they entered the tent, Allen was slightly surprised at how familiar everything seemed to him. The stands he remembered sitting on when he was young were old and worn down from countless people using them. The center stage was already prepared for the grand performance. Before Allen could take note on the other details, he was being dragged to a couple of seats up front by Rabi. He was surprised at how he pushed some people who were blocking the way to some empty seats. Allen clearly remembered that Rabi had told him that they couldn't be seen or touched.

"That only counts if I want people to see us. Right now, it's better to be seen." Allen didn't feel like asking Rabi what he meant since he knew he wouldn't get a complete answer from the redhead. Rabi gently pushed Allen down into his seat and once he was seated Rabi stared straight ahead, completely ignoring Allen. The young exorcist was confused at the redhead's sudden change in personality but he didn't ask. He wasn't ready to talk to the redhead right now. He was still sensitive about what Rabi had told him about Lavi. Allen chose to do what Rabi did and stare straight ahead.

The show had finally begun.

It started out like any other show would. The ring leader of the circus stood in the center and introduced all the acts the audience would be seeing today. Allen had to admit that the show brought back happy memories of when he was with Mana in the circus. The lions, tightrope walkers, the magician, the knife thrower, the animal tamer, everything seemed so familiar to him it was almost frightening.

"…and now the clowns will make you awe in delight!" The minute the clowns came in Allen couldn't help but let out a low whimper out of shock. Right in front of him was a clown who was balancing on a giant ball and even though his face was masked with clown makeup, Allen instantly recognized the person.

Mana, healthy and alive, was only a few feet away from him. He looked a little older than Allen remembered but he knew it was him. Allen couldn't help but to let out a tear fall down out of joy.

"Mana…" Allen smiled at the clown who was performing multiple tricks at the same time. He wasn't dead…He was alive and happy and Allen felt a huge weight being released from him. Seeing Mana again really brought his spirits up.

"Mana Walker is alive." Rabi said with a grim smile on," He was never turned into an akuma either." He left out the part as to why Mana was alive but he didn't want Allen to go suicidal on him. Mana was never killed in a car crash since he never adopted Allen. Rabi knew that information would break Allen more than he already was. "He is the main clown in the circus and is currently very happy with his fiancée and dog." This brought a bigger smile from Allen and Rabi felt his heart ache. He shook his head. Lavi's personality was really getting to him.

They stayed for the entire show and once it was over Allen and Rabi started headed off towards the exit. Before they got there though, someone tapped Allen's shoulder and the boy turned around to see who it was.

Mana was in front of him with a handkerchief out in the direction of Allen," I saw you crying during the show so I wanted to give you this little boy." Mana smiled gently at Allen who was about to jump the clown to give him a bug hug when Mana continued speaking," It's sad crying on Christmas Eve little boy so I'll give you a piece of advice to always remember." He ruffled a bit of Allen's brown hair and chuckled before saying the next phrase gently and seriously, "Always keep walking forward. No matter how miserable your life may seem right now, you can always do something about it if you continue to live. You must always remember to never stop walking and to never doubt the people who care for you. Do you understand?" Allen nodded at his 'father' and saw him smile at him one last time before he walked away from Allen. It was at that time Rabi decided to guide Allen to the exit. It was time for the final part, thought Rabi.

Allen once again saw the place go blurry and once it was clear, he was in a room he had never been in before. It was a giant black and white ballroom. The floor was in a black and white checker pattern while the walls were white with black patterns skillfully drawn on them. In the middle of ballroom were two books with the covers a gray color. The first book to the right was open and had words written on it that Allen couldn't understand. The other book was also open but the pages it was open to were blank. Rabi was standing in front of the books so he was facing Allen. He wore a serious and scared expression on his face.

"You have two choices Allen…" Rabi started off. He looked into Allen's silver-blue eyes searching for something," You can stay in this world and live a normal life with your parents but you will remain ignorant to what is happening to your past comrades or…" he pointed to the empty book but he never stopped looking into Allen's eyes," You can go back to the Black Order where you face execution and to where your comrades are alive…" He pointed to the book full of words. "Choose whichever book that represents your desire. What world do you really desire Allen?"

"Desire?" Allen asked. He had never thought of that before. He knew it was his duty to become an exorcist and fight, but there was a part of him that didn't want to do that. He just wanted to live a full life full of happiness. He reached for the book with no letters when Mana's words stopped him.

'_Always keep walking forward. No matter how miserable your life may seem right now, you can always do something about it if you continue to live. You must always remember to never stop walking and to never doubt the people who care for you. Do you understand?'_

Allen had always treasured his friends more than himself and he knew that they cared just as much for him. A world without his friends was no world at all for him. He reached for the book with letters when he paused again.

Were his friends really so important that he would give up the good times he could have here? He had parents here…parents that loved him and cared for him. And Mana was alive. He was happy and was about to settle down with a good wife and his dog. Was Allen really selfish as to take away those people's lives for the sake of others? Could he handle with killing Mana's happiness all over again? Then again, was he satisfied with Lavi's death and Kanda's impending death as well? Could he sleep a night without thinking of the friends he could have saved? Allen shook his head and closed his eyes to think straight. He searched for an answer deep inside him. What did he care for more, his parents and Mana, or his friends?

Allen opened his eyes and kneeled down to face the two books better. He finally decided on what he would choose. His hand slowly reached for the book with no words and he paused a bit just before he could touch the book," I love that I got to know my parents and that Mana is alive here. They are the best family I could have asked for. My parents seem sweet and loving and caring just like Mana is. Mana…he is so special to me that it can't be described in words. I love him to the point I would do anything for him if he just smiled for me. I dearly love them and I don't want to lose them." Rabi's shoulders trembled slightly in disappointment. Allen was going to choose the blank book and he really wanted to avoid that, but it was Allen's decision not his. "But…" Rabi looked down when he heard Allen still had more to say.

"But…if I were to ask them what I should do in this situation, they would tell me to listen to my heart and to do what I want. They wouldn't want me to worry about them and choose them if that meant I was unhappy. It looks like all three of my parents love me so much that they would want me to choose my happiness over theirs." Allen let a tear flow down his cheek," I won't go back to the Black Order to wait until I'm killed. I'll do something about it so me and my friends could all keep walking together, just like Mana had always told me." His hand slowly reached for the book with words and he paused again which made Rabi nervous," I won't let Mana's and my parents' lives end in vain. For their sakes and for my friend's as well, I will always keep walking forward." Allen touched the book with words and picked it up," That's what me, Allen Walker, can do for the people who can't live a life of happiness because of my selfish reasons."

Allen held out the book towards Rabi who took it with a relieved face on. "Allen…" For the first time, Rabi cried. "I was so scared you were going to choose the other book. I thought I would never fight alongside you again…"

"Rabi…who are you really?" Allen had been meaning to ask Rabi for a long time but he hadn't found the perfect time until now. He saw Rabi smile until a bright light shined from him and Allen had to close his eyes for a few seconds. Once he opened them, Rabi was gone. In his place, was someone else.

Allen in his Crown Clown mode was facing him.

"Innocence usually doesn't interact with its accommodator, but you Allen are special. I have been with you since you were born and I couldn't let you dive into despair like you almost did at the Order. Innocence has different powers, both for fighting and for other uses. I used some of my power to show you all this so you would get a strong grip on what you really want to do." He held the book in his hands and Allen saw it turn into Crown Clown's mask. Allen's Innocence put the mask into of his head where it belonged when it wasn't needed," Allen, you are the light of this Holy War. You are 'The Destroyer of Time' but you are also a Noah. Not everything is about outer appearances. Black is always hiding white and white is always hiding black. Only you can choose how you will use your powers. You can turn your gifts to curses or your curses into gifts. Allen, you are the maker of your path not anyone else." He walked forward and embraced Allen in a goodbye hug. Allen was starting to lose consciousness and he was sure that this time he wouldn't be seeing another place with Rabi," Walk on the path that you desire. Only then can you truly be happy, Allen." The last thing Allen heard from his Innocence really made him feel happy.

"Your comrades, just like I, will always be with you. Even when you're gone, we will always be waiting."

* * *

Allen woke up in his bedroom at the Black Order. He saw that he was in his exorcist uniform and he sat up on the bed. "Was that all…really a dream?" Allen felt something in his hand and when he looked at it, he knew everything that had just happened had been real. He stared at the handkerchief Mana had given to him and he caressed it for a while with a smile on his face. Allen stood up and walked towards the window his bedroom had. It was dark outside and according to how he was barely able to see anything outside the window; it was about the middle of the night. Everyone was asleep.

Allen knew what he had to do.

He put the suitcase he brought with him to the Order on his bed and started to put some of his possessions into it. He didn't have much so he soon finished with that and closed the suitcase. He went to his desk and poked at the yellow ball that was a little bigger than the size of his hand.

"Tim, come on wake up. We have to leave right now." Timcampy woke up and started flying around Allen until he decided to rest on top of his head. Allen grabbed his suitcase and was about to open the door until he saw himself in the mirror. His shining white hair was back and so was the long, red scar on the left side of his face. He put his suitcase down and took off one of his white leather gloves. His black hand that held his Innocence was back again and he smiled it.

"Thank you Crown Clown." He felt his arm warm up a bit as if his hand understood him and put the glove back on. He looked at the mirror one more time until he realized something was missing…or rather something needed to be left behind. Allen unbuttoned his exorcist uniform shirt and neatly folded it on top of the bed. He did the same things to his pants and he put on the same clothes he first wore when he joined the Black Order.

"Ah, I need to do one more thing."

Morning came and Allen was already far away from the Order thanks to the arc. He had disconnected all the doors the Order had used so they wouldn't find him and vice versa. He was sure that this is what he wanted.

"I want to fight alongside my friends so we can all someday be happy." He knew it wasn't easy, especially since he left the Order but he knew that it was possible. To have the thing Allen desired, he must keep walking forward.

"I should probably try to find Lavi and Kanda first." Timcampy nodded in agreement and Allen smiled.

He was finally walking down the path that he had made himself.

* * *

Allen's bedroom was empty of any evidence that the exorcist had lived there. The only thing that proved he had ever occupied the room was his uniform and a note that he had written.

_Dear anyone, _

_I am not going to just sit around and wait until I die._

_I will always continue to walk forward and no one will stop me from doing it._

_The third side to this war has made its entrance._

_Merry Christmas _

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**This is my first time writing for D gray man so please tell me what you think :)**

**Also, hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and will have an awesome New Year XD**

**Review please. **


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